$ Million dollar Relationships $
…what commitment really looks like
or how much is your relationship worth?
 
At regular intervals in healthy relationships, one or other of the partners needs to ask for what they want. Paradoxically, it’s not necessarily ‘needy’ to have needs. 
 
In essence, if you love someone,
you commit to knowing what they need,
and you fulfil those needs as best you can,
…as long as it causes no great harm to yourself.
 
Some people are natural at guessing their partner’s needs, and others have to be told. If a partner has to be told all the time, then you have a problem relationship. It means that they are not acting with empathy which is the foundation of all good relationships. Empathy means, energetically stepping in the shoes of the other, and really feeling what they are thinking and feeling. You do this guessing game, because you care.  The more you do it, the better you get.
 
The one with the need often starts off by innocently, asking their partner to do XYZ. But if they get a negative response, the next choice is often to decide to just grin and bear it… to put up with not having that need met.  
 
Then, after a while, as the need is not being met, and the tension starts building up, they may end up being a little sarcastic or controlling or manipulative….i.e. going around the back way to get the need met. Which usually doesn’t work, and ends up hurting the other partner, and/or undermining the trust. It also gives the partner who is not fulfilling the need, the opportunity (should they choose it) to gaslight their partner for behaving badly. Which now puts negative focus on the person who just innocently has a need they would like filled. Never a nice predicament.
 
Both parties are responsible for their response.
The asker needs to do it in a skilful manner, and the listener needs to be present and willing to jump into action and do what is required, or re-negotiate a win-win.
 
Some couples are great up to this point, but then one of them struggles with remembering to DO what was asked. They agree to do the request, but just can’t seem to remember to do it.
 
 This is where the idea of the million dollar relationship kicks in.
So imagine if there was a magic fairy godmother who said she would give you $1 million if you did the thing you agreed to.
Would you do it??
 
Most people sheepishly agree that they probably would… that no matter how bad their memory is, that they would find a way. Interestingly, these people easily turn up to work on time, know exactly when the sports starts on TV, or never forget a hair appointment.
 
Because yes, memory is selective.  Unless we actually have a physical memory issue, we remember things that we care about. Not always, but mostly.
 
So the question is – how much do you care about nurturing your relationship – what is your relationship worth??
 
You know how much it’s worth to you, because you just won’t put it risk. Like a job you love. Like a holiday you have been planning. Like your health… or children. It’s important, so you do what it takes to keep it healthy and happening. All the little seemingly unimportant things, and the bigger things. That’s what commitment means.
 
 
But how do I remember?!!
So, like you do with anything that matters, you commit, you put strategies in place.
 
You put up signs in the bedroom/kitchen etc; alarms on your phone; use NLP or other mind strategies to install it in your subconscious mind. Imagine yourself doing the action, saying “Million dollars!”  to yourself,  and feeling great that you’ve done it.
You do whatever it takes to keep your word and build trust and care into your incredibly valuable relationship.
 
Every time you do this, is like depositing $100 into your Relationship Savings Account. Soon the habit of saying YES to your relationship becomes easier and easier, and you find that at the end of the year, you have a huge account bursting with love and trust and joy and connection … and great sex ;-)
 
UP NEXT
 Obviously, your partner needs to ask Cleary and Kindly and Skilfully for what they want. And that’s a whole other thing altogether. See next blog. Coming soon!
 

Background to this particular rave/blog...
I think I must hold the Guinness book of records for the amount of times I’ve been kicked unceremoniously out of groups - merely for asking for 'due process' - either for myself, or for others in the group. And what I mean by 'due process', is that, if someone makes allegations about someone else, then they need to provide some sort of valid proof/evidence... and that all voices get heard equally.

It happened again today. I got blocked. No discussion, no warning, no reason. Just blocked. 

Now I'm not talking about Facebook Fkdcheckers... all these groups have been either Spiritual or Personal Development or Sovereignty groups. And it would seem that the mere asking for a proper conflict resolution process is perceived as an act of extreme aggravation.

However, on the planet I come from, such a request is seen as an act of wisdom and care.

​Still trying to work out what they think on this planet. But it certainly appears like so many humans feel deeply threatened by the mere thought of actually having to listen deeply to someone, and sort something out in a decent and fair manner.
Beam me up, Scotty.
=============================

Firstly, what does Freedom of Speech mean?
It means the right for anyone and everyone
to say what-ever they want,
wherever they want,
despite possibly being wrong,
or someone not liking what they are saying.
 
So now imagine a world where this god-given right is NOT upheld?
Stop and really imagine it. In the past, we in the West would immediately imagine somewhere like China or Korea, or Russia or Germany during the wars. And though more and more of us now realise that much of the 5I’s are sliding rather precariously into this form of fascism, it’s still hard for many people to realise the repercussions.
 
In essence, loss of freedom of speech means the end of democracy, law, ethics, community, culture – anything good and true and beautiful… and anything bad, and false and ugly.
 
And it has to be both sides – the good and the ugly. Because, right now,…( not later on, when we might have all magically ascended or raptured) … we are in 3d Physical.  And the whole point of being here, is to experience these extremes… to experience the extremes, so that thru experience and learning, we can come back into Balance and Wholeness and Love.
 
Woke ideology and its close cousin, Spiritual Bypassing, would much prefer that the world was all unicorns and fairy floss and high vibrations, based on the false assumption that only being’ positive’, and blocking out anything ‘negative’, means you are closer to ascending etc etc. Spiritual Bypassing means we want to jump all the stages and layers of 3D growth…the suffering, the uncertainty, powerlessness, the fear and the rage… and pass quickly and effortlessly to 5D/ Heaven etc.
 
And here’s another simpler word – DENIAL. The Denial of Truth, of what IS. And what IS on this 3D planet, is all the extremes of everything. How exciting is that! Our soul is just over the moon with the horrifying potential of that idea!
 
So, to paper-over the so called ‘negative’ (which is often someone just saying something you don’t agree with), is to miss the whole point of being here. Basically, it’s the coward’s way out. By blocking all dissention, we don’t get to have to face our own darkness, our own ignorance and fear. We don’t get to learn.
 
And so, not only do we stultify our own growth and learning, but we do that to others too. Which of course, is not a very loving thing to do.
 
Crushing Freedom of Speech (FOS) destroys Relationships and Community.
Healthy relationships and community can only flourish where there is a broad-spectrum of truth telling. This includes ignorant opinion, intuitive knowings, and fully verified facts. Where FOS is not allowed, entropy and stasis soon set in. People feel crushed, creativity dies, and only the narcissists and dominators flourish and prosper … with of course, eventual death of the relationship or community.
 
Keep up your Vibrations!
I can totally understand why many online groups encourage this idea of keeping up your vibrations. Both, because we are becoming so much more aware of the negativity on the planet, which can be really overwhelming, and the stress can push people into being their lesser selves. And then we get pointless unskilful bickering, which ends up going nowhere and often causing irreparable harm
So keeping those vibes high certainly has its place.
 
But to judge and demonise and control and oust people who are just having an opinion, is the epitome of fascism, and nothing to do with co-creating a New Earth.

So Freedom of Speech is essentially a black and white issue,
in that there are no degrees of FOS.
 
I often ask people, “Do you believe in FOS?”
and often they respond with, “Well, it depends.”
But no, it doesn’t depend on anything. It stands on its own.
 
Else, who is the arbiter… who decides what can, and cannot be spoken?
What are the criteria for someone to hold such a huge amount of power?
Can they be 100% trusted. And of course, the answer is simply NO and NO-ONE.
 
Ricky Gervais, the British Comedian, is a great example of someone who fiercely stands up for our right to say whatever we like, even it insults and hurts others.
 
CAVEATS
Because we don’t really live in a culture that encourages healthy truth-telling, many of us are not particularly practiced or skilled, and therefore we often end up being irrational, reactive, controlling, and even downright rude when attempting to 'tell the truth'. And there are consequences to being controlling or rude. It wrecks relationships.
 
But that just means we need to practice. And practicing in a strongly held environment, where abuse is not allowed, but all voices are, is paramount.
 
So, anyone with an ounce of wisdom or relationality, knows that the truth, or one’s opinion, is best spoken with at least some degree of skill, kindness and consideration.
 
But let’s be clear, it is not unkind to just state facts or question things. Many people who are still integrating the concepts of free speech, think that if you are questioning them, then you are being abusive.  But they are wrong. Asking questions is our god-given right, and essential for Democracy and Freedom. You as the listener, have a right to ignore them or answer them accordingly. In the online world, it’s called “scrolling on by” ;-)
 
So rather than endlessly and pointlessly reinventing the wheel every time a discussion happens in some group or other, why not fall back on the very well thought out article: 
 Article 19 of the United Nation’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) which says, “Everyone has the freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media regardless of frontier.” 
 Silencing ideas that do not align with our own prevents “a flourishing, open marketplace of ideas” that underlies the exchange of ideas, self-determination, and freedom.”
 
An immature society/group shuts down discussion, puts someone in the naughty corner and totally removes others.
A mature society/group learns how to manage this freedom
with kindness and respect, and clear boundaries.
 
So in conclusion, without Freedom of Speech, we don’t have Freedom, without Freedom we have Entropy and the death of anything that is meaningful and life-giving.  So those of us who are dreaming of co-creating a new and paradigm-shifting New Earth, let us learn to balance our Freedoms with our Responsibilities, and give others what we want for ourselves, which is to be SEEN and HEARD for the magnificent creators that we all are.