Million Dollar Relationships

$ Million dollar Relationships $
…what commitment really looks like
or how much is your relationship worth?
 
At regular intervals in healthy relationships, one or other of the partners needs to ask for what they want. Paradoxically, it’s not necessarily ‘needy’ to have needs. 
 
In essence, if you love someone,
you commit to knowing what they need,
and you fulfil those needs as best you can,
…as long as it causes no great harm to yourself.
 
Some people are natural at guessing their partner’s needs, and others have to be told. If a partner has to be told all the time, then you have a problem relationship. It means that they are not acting with empathy which is the foundation of all good relationships. Empathy means, energetically stepping in the shoes of the other, and really feeling what they are thinking and feeling. You do this guessing game, because you care.  The more you do it, the better you get.
 
The one with the need often starts off by innocently, asking their partner to do XYZ. But if they get a negative response, the next choice is often to decide to just grin and bear it… to put up with not having that need met.  
 
Then, after a while, as the need is not being met, and the tension starts building up, they may end up being a little sarcastic or controlling or manipulative….i.e. going around the back way to get the need met. Which usually doesn’t work, and ends up hurting the other partner, and/or undermining the trust. It also gives the partner who is not fulfilling the need, the opportunity (should they choose it) to gaslight their partner for behaving badly. Which now puts negative focus on the person who just innocently has a need they would like filled. Never a nice predicament.
 
Both parties are responsible for their response.
The asker needs to do it in a skilful manner, and the listener needs to be present and willing to jump into action and do what is required, or re-negotiate a win-win.
 
Some couples are great up to this point, but then one of them struggles with remembering to DO what was asked. They agree to do the request, but just can’t seem to remember to do it.
 
 This is where the idea of the million dollar relationship kicks in.
So imagine if there was a magic fairy godmother who said she would give you $1 million if you did the thing you agreed to.
Would you do it??
 
Most people sheepishly agree that they probably would… that no matter how bad their memory is, that they would find a way. Interestingly, these people easily turn up to work on time, know exactly when the sports starts on TV, or never forget a hair appointment.
 
Because yes, memory is selective.  Unless we actually have a physical memory issue, we remember things that we care about. Not always, but mostly.
 
So the question is – how much do you care about nurturing your relationship – what is your relationship worth??
 
You know how much it’s worth to you, because you just won’t put it risk. Like a job you love. Like a holiday you have been planning. Like your health… or children. It’s important, so you do what it takes to keep it healthy and happening. All the little seemingly unimportant things, and the bigger things. That’s what commitment means.
 
 
But how do I remember?!!
So, like you do with anything that matters, you commit, you put strategies in place.
 
You put up signs in the bedroom/kitchen etc; alarms on your phone; use NLP or other mind strategies to install it in your subconscious mind. Imagine yourself doing the action, saying “Million dollars!”  to yourself,  and feeling great that you’ve done it.
You do whatever it takes to keep your word and build trust and care into your incredibly valuable relationship.
 
Every time you do this, is like depositing $100 into your Relationship Savings Account. Soon the habit of saying YES to your relationship becomes easier and easier, and you find that at the end of the year, you have a huge account bursting with love and trust and joy and connection … and great sex ;-)
 
UP NEXT
 Obviously, your partner needs to ask Cleary and Kindly and Skilfully for what they want. And that’s a whole other thing altogether. See next blog. Coming soon!