One of the most profoundly difficult things we are asked to do in healthy relationships/friendships, is 'Sit in the Fire' when your friend/partner is feeling angry.
As long as they do not insult or demean or physically harm you, the most powerful and effective thing you can do is, breathe, ground and stay present... empathise. Do not give advice, unless clearly asked for. Feel the feelings of wanting to run away, or make it better. Keep breathing and stay put. Sit in the centre of the heat. And remember, in all likelihood, (unless they really ARE an abuser) ...their anger is a valid response to things that only they know about... until you fully listen. Leave your fear and judgement at the door, and empathise more and more. If it feels safe and appropriate, and you are in the same space, see if you can stay, or get back in physical contact. Anger is an incredible self-protective emotion...and wonderful learning and healing comes from staying present and hearing them out. If done well, it can DEEPEN the intimacy and trust in the relationship. But if not done well, it can do the opposite. SIT IN THE HEAT. ( but don't put up with abuse.) |
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