Sitting in the Fire

One of the hardest things to do in a healthy relationship or friendship is to “sit in the fire” — to stay present when your friend or partner is angry.
As long as they’re not insulting, demeaning, or physically harming you, the most powerful thing you can do is firstly: breathe, ground yourself.
And secondly,  stay present. Keep your focus on them until they are fully understood - both emotionally and intellectually.

Listen. Feel. Empathise.
Avoid giving advice unless they clearly ask for it.
You’ll probably feel the urge to fix things, defend yourself, or walk away. That’s normal.
Just keep breathing — and stay in the heat. Keep listening to understand.
Remember: in most cases (unless the person truly is abusive), their anger is a valid response to something painful or unfair that they’ve experienced — something you may not yet understand until you fully listen.

So, leave fear and judgement at the door.
Open your heart and listen with empathy.

If it feels safe and appropriate, and you’re in the same space, try to maintain or re-establish gentle physical connection.

​Anger, at its core, is a protective emotion.
When handled with care and presence, it can become a doorway to deeper trust, healing, and intimacy.
But if it’s met with defensiveness, avoidance, or judgement, it can just as easily create distance.
So stay present. Sit in the fire.
But remember: staying present is not the same as tolerating abuse.