The only form of unconditional love is between a parent and their baby. Its all give and no take - except for the occasional smile and gurgle ;-)
 All other relationships are conditional. They are conditional upon care and respect and responsibility from both parties. In the same way that nature is conditional. If you break the laws, you get the consequence. And remember, a consequence is not a punishment,it flows naturally from your behaviour. If you are addicted to your phone, then your relationship will deteriorate. If you don't keep your agreements, ditto. The Trust gets undermined, the other person pulls away, and the relationship lives in suspended animation... or dies. We live in a world of Duality. Whatever you do, there is a consequence. And it is the duty of good parents to provide these consequences - else we have a culture of un-grounded, self-focussed children, teenagers and adults who don't know how to get on with each other. Just how the 'Powers that Be' like it. The deeper you look, the more it would appear that the negative controllers in our society are weaponising this ‘toxic masculinity’ phrase as a way to create even more division. It’s their age-old schtick. Just like they did with the Feminist movement, which these days resembles nothing like it was intended to be. Classic Feminism was simply about equal access to rights and resources. And surely no ethical person can quibble with that? But now we have the manipulated psyop of Neo-Feminism, which looks nothing like what Classic Feminism was designed to do ( more on this in future writings.)
But unless more men face their shadow - the shadow of their Patriarchal-Dominator past (and some present). Unless they truly learn to listen to how things have been ( and still are for many women), then they will never truly be able to come into sacred union with the Healed Feminine. I have great compassion for how men have been treated under this system. That is a whole other story which I will be dealing with in future posts!! But it was they who wield/ed unbalanced power, and therefore it is they who must take ownership of this and acknowledge the damage that has been wrought upon the Feminine. Similarly, if someone does wrong and ends up in jail, it’s much easier for people to be motivated to help and support them, if they own up to their part for whatever got them there. So, if men as a whole, refuse to acknowledge the horrors perpetrated against women for millennia, then it's impossible for us as a societal whole to move to the next stage to acknowledge the equally, but more subtle abuse that men experience under this Dominator System. Healers know that unless we individually face our shadow/demons and take full responsibility, then we will continue causing harm to ourselves or others. Hence why the Men’s movement - tho incredibly important - seems to go round in circles - seems blocked and stultified. So, a call to Men…. I, and many women I know, are here to hold you safe, so you can do the work that needs to be done. So that we can both fly strong together to a new world of Co-operation and Partnership At first glance, this looks like a reasonable comment.
So lets dig deeper. Let's explore the role of adjectives. Adjectives are used to describe nouns i.e. things or concepts. We can have a noun on its own - like Apple. Or a noun with a descriptor/adjective ie Red Apple. For people who know that apples come in many colours, shapes and sizes, at no time do we make the assumption that ALL apples are red. So, if someone uses the phrase 'red apple' - we can safely assume that ALL red apples are red... and they are not green or yellow. So, when someone uses the term 'toxic masculinity', they are not describing ALL masculinities, they are describing the toxic forms. Hence, Masculinity just is as it IS... and toxic masculinity describes negative and harmful behaviours by some men ... but obviously, not ALL males. And we dont have to dig too deeply, to find endless examples of such behaviour. Books, movies and direct experience show the myriad forms of patriarchal, dominating, abusive and harmful behaviours by men over the milennia. No-one with their brain intact, can refute this. However, the joy of adjectives means we have a plethora of other adjectives to describe male behaviour/masculinity ie generous, supportive, kind, sexy, loving etc. So Masculinity can be toxic or awesome - depending on the actual behaviour of the male involved. It's dependent on behaviour, not what genitals you have. Now to the meme above... Did the writer mean it to be so obfuscating of the truth, or were they just trying hard, but confused?? I quote - "masculinity isn't toxic, the absence of it is." "Strong, masculine men are protective and loving." Really? Dont we all know plenty of strong masculine men who are the opposite?? The noun and adjective exist for a reason. There are plenty of men who are toxic, and have been all throughout history. And the form of masculinity that they aspire to, is the dominator/patriarchal kind. Not the healthy kind that many men live from. Who do you think does all the raping and bashing? Who do you think ends up in jail? Toxic abusive guys... often guys with higher testosterone - ie more masculine, not less. Saying their behaviour is a lack of masculinity has no basis in logic. Just another mindf**k to confuse people. The best way to get past the whole toxic masculinity thing, is for men to not follow in those dudes footsteps… And just be a great man. The wonderful thing is that there’s plenty of them out there. It’s become the latest thing, to be a strong, caring, non-abusive, healthy male. "What does it mean to be a man in America today? Young men are told that masculinity is “toxic,” traditional gender roles are oppressive, fathers are unnecessary, and women are no different from men. The cameras follow Aldo Buttazzoni as he searches for the truth and learns from renown relationship experts, psychologists, best-selling authors, and everyday people. This powerful little movie digs deep into the unprecedented challenges boys and men are facing in this rapidly changing world. Regardless if you’re a man or a woman, this movie contains valuable information for anyone who cares about the fate of our nation, and the future of humanity! PeagerU is offering the movie free of charge. Please watch and share with everyone you know! Watch here... Masculinity In America. " Mikki Willis Wisdom and Nature tells us that some things are binary/opposites... and some things are on a continuum. For instance Gender is binary (sorry folks, except for very very minor aberrations, there are only 2 genders - female and male.) And things like heat and cold have multiple distinctions.... from boiling to warm to neutral to cool to freezing. So Truth or Falsity is Binary - it is either True or False. It cannot be 'sort of ' True. Just as I can't be 'sort of' pregnant. I'm either pregnant or not. There is no such thing as 'my truth' compared to 'your truth'. Because that would put truth on a continuum. This popular concept of Relativism, has no basis in reality, and renders the concept of 'Truth' (with a capital 'T') as meaningless. But Opinion or Belief is a Continuum. So there can be my/your experience or my/your opinion - which can change and adapt and emerge. And yes, an experience or feeling or opinion can be true for you, but not necessarily for anyone else. For instance, if I tell you that I have seen fairies in the bottom of my garden, then that is my 'truth', and unless you have 100% proof discounting my experience (which is probably impossible), then you can't say I am lying. But equally it's not useful for me to insist that you believe in fairies, if you haven't experienced them. Hence they are my truth, but not yours. Even people who beleive in fairies have different degrees of belief... ie the belief is on a continuum. (By the way, I have seen fairies... that's another story ;-) Wisdom involves not mixing up these distinctions. |
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